This is the text of an email a friend forwarded and I think it's just hilarious! See my comments in green:
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. For Jenny, this means making sure all shopping bags are empty. I personally would be slightly embarrassed (albeit dead) if anyone saw my excel spread sheet that details my bank account and asked what in the world "K" stands for and why did I spent so much money there.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. I freely admit when I'm wrong - because it happens so often. so this isn't really that hard for me
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. The best part about being a long-distance runner is the amount of napping required. I figure it this way: for each minute you run, you earn a napping point. You can use them all at once or spread them throughout the day/week. I use mine immediately.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. Yes - there is. And it should be purple with italics.
5. How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? Would you believe that I, Miss Unorganized, knows how to do this and does it!!!!!
6. Was learning cursive really necessary? Yes, because telling someone to fuck off in pretty hand writing is polite. also - crazy people write in print. Have you seen those letters on the dateline episodes?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. So true - and I like how it gives alternative ways to get out of the the hood...I'm pretty sure I'm gonna go the same way no matter what.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. This is true, too! I try to figure it out by looking at where they want their donations sent!
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. Don't have kids, do have great meds - doesn't apply to me.
10. Bad decisions make good stories. Yes, especially when a trucker is involved.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. Amazingly, that moment is earlier in the day as the week progresses.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. Not a techy -not ever sure that a flat screen tv is... seriously.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. Hit Control z and then save.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever. I'll wash it. what the hell!
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? They're usually leaving a message that starts with, "Hi, this is Jane, I'm just calling ... but you're not around ..." and then ramble on for a bit more. This is why I don't listen to voice mail. If I see a missed call, I will call you back.
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. Or what about the days when you look like shit and run into everyone - including your ex???
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. You know it - and they've got nicknames like "crazy Pete", "Baby Daddy", and "Backseat Delight."
18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How do I respond to that? Go into insurance claim processes - the kid will tune out immediately.
19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. Mine has one!!!
20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than with Kay. Mine usually start with V ... for Vodka!